Angry, Lovely Poem

This poem is probably my favorite poem ever because it's written so plainly and I can relate to every word. I wa introduced to the poetry of Nikki Giovanni in middle school when my class read "Kidnap Poem", undoubtedly a more amiable poem than the following. I liked Giovanni's style so much that I looked for her poetry on the Internet and occasionally checked out some of her collections from the library. But it was this poem that has always struck a cord with me.

When I Die

when i die i hope no one who ever hurt me cries
and if they cry i hope their eyes fall out
and a million maggots that had made up their brains
crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh
that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person
that i probably tried
to love

--Nikki Giovanni

As an angsty, hormonal young teenager, I liked this poem because of the grotesque imagery and the raw emotion of the sentiment. Because I was angry at the world at that point in my life, I liked how Giovanni took her anger and her words and made people see and feel her emotions along with her. I liked that; I liked that power, that talent to make people see and feel what she felt without actually having to face them or even be near them.

As I got older (and, to some extent, less morbid) I would look at the poem in a completely different light. I focused less on the "million maggots" and more on the "love." As I matured, the poem became less about violence and anger and more about the hurt that only a person that you are close to can bestow. I have had friendships that have failed just like anyone else. The thing is when you trust someone, you never expect them to hurt you. And that makes it so much harder to deal with when they do.

Also, it's impossible to make someone happy when they want nothing to do with you or dislike something that is a fundamental aspect of your personality. Over the years, I realized that no one can be liked by everyone; and no one can honestly say that (s)he likes everyone. All you can do is stick with the people who hurt you sometimes but care about nonetheless and hope for the best.